The streets were quiet, tranquil. He looked out through behind foggy windows, admiring the beauty of the moment. He felt a tug, turned around and a smile greeted him. Into eyes green he fell, a place he thought he could never be. And he didn't belong.
Out the door into the cold, his hand gripping his tightly, skipping along the path, the crunch of snow and dirt sounding almost musical as they walked along. The smell of candy, mint and fuel filled the air, somewhat comforting as he waited outside while he, grinning widely, skittered through the store, every once in a while glancing back at him, beaming then again, wildly distracted by such happiness, turned to grab more.
Lugging big white bags of treats, gifts, they stopped by the edge of the forest to watch the snow fall. He stared up, wide eyed in awe at the sky just watching, feeling. A tear formed and he looked down. As it fell, he said,
"I miss mom."
I didn't know what to say or do. The smoke from my cigarette gently wisped around me as the wind, indecisive and free blew everywhere.
"I know kiddo. I'm sure everyone misses her too."
I saw him look up at me from the corner of my eye, but didn't meet his gaze. What should I say? What could be said when such hope and comfort are taken away?
"You know, she loves you. No matter how much the world can spin out of control, no matter how dark your days can get, even when it seems like it's so impossible to go on, she will always, always love you like she always has. And she always will."
It seemed silly. But he grabbed me suddenly, hugged me tight and didn't let go for a long time.
My heart skipped one too many times, it was a wonder how I managed to keep my hand from shaking as I held him close. It turned cold, my heart did, as if frozen, hard, the chill in my chest burned somehow.
Then we turned to walk back, back to her.
I felt lost just then. The sister, brother, family that I didn't belong to.
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