..a Rat baby

More smiles and satisfaction come my way when no one is around.

Simple? Everyone else fucks my mood.

Let me wonder myself silly.

Has ____

I have a fragile mind.

As it wanders through extensive horizons I lose touch with the simple reality.

Hence the sudden inability to control certain....things.

Cave Journey

I'll get to Zion, when the time is right.

And in that city i'll be no one but everyone. Identical in every way, different in one. A singular word that breathes through the icy morning, no daylight nor moon. East and west bright lights dim the sky, no sound is made.

I walk here every now and then and think of you.

And So I Dream...

I dreamt of her.

She. This girl.

But I was there for another reason, to listen to understand. I'd been brought back in time to understand something. To feel someones pain. How I do not know. It was a classroom filled with students. I recognized both of them, and they me. Although it didn't seem abnormal that I was so different from the rest. The both of them were being humiliated, made fun of by the rest of the class. I felt the pain, I cared for these people. But I didn't know how I could.

She talked to me while I sat down, she was standing. She kissed me deep, and the world seemed to fade away. All I knew was that she was there, she was with me, she cared for me, nothing else mattered. Passionate it was, right to the very end. As we parted, she sat down dazed, like as if it had not been her intention to kiss me, rather a sudden influence had come upon her to do so. I held her, looked into her eyes. She was mine, she never would've been in my past life. But here we were. She said something about forgetting. I told her when she's done understanding it, I will come back. I thought this was it, Id be back in my real world.

I'd come here to learn and with that part done, what was I to do here? I can't remember how I realized my situation and I saw a man in the classroom, a Butler.. A butler in a classroom. He was my way out. I whispered to him asking where was my exit? He said, there is none. He told me I was back in time, and that I was going to stay here. Forever. In my dream, that has become real. I was shocked. I looked at here and she smiled at me. I asked the butler where I stayed. Sunset Court he told me, and I was filthy rich. Joy overwhelmed me, this was real!

I grabbed my helmet, not knowing where it came from and ran out. I realized I didn't know where I was. But as I exited the massive building I knew.

I was in New York.

City of my dreams. A place of history. Reality. And it was winter, the end of the year. Cold and raining, but I was here! I looked around for a cab then saw someone familiar across the street. It was Dave. He still looked the same, tall, strong, confident, a symbol of strength. My heart beat hard as he threw something to me from where he stood. It landed in the dirty water beside the path. I picked it up, it was a thick wad of parking coupons. Somehow I was grateful, that he'd come back all the way in time or forward just to give me these. I nodded thankfully at him and he vanished.

My mother suddenly appeared as I wandered aimlessly looking for a cab home. I hugged her and told her I was here. I cried in joy, I told her i'd been dreaming of all this since I was young. She brought me to a place where there would be tons of cabs coming by.

Then I heard this song being played....

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide
The darkness deepens; Lord, with me abide
When other helpers fail and comforts flee
Help of the helpless, oh, abide with me.

Would I die when my dreams have come to pass? Would I really see what I've seen? Will it be perfect?

I wish you were real. Then this life wouldn't be so dim, void of hope and light.

Mercy Fed

The morning is as beautiful as it can get.

A slight chill in the air, everything is quiet, the daily workforce scamper around quickly not making a sound.



Zimmer was the law.

What broke it was mother crying suddenly, breaking the stillness. She's sick, retching ever so often.





I do not understand. No, I do not want to understand. Am I the only pillar of strength and resilience in this family? Or am I the weak one....