Pj and 10 In The Morn

Funny how sleep deprivation can mess up the senses.


I spent roughly 6 hours laughing at random; at random rubbish and it strangely, felt good. Especially when I was on me new Facebook and stumbled on The Knights of Ni. I was like Oh, My, God! Was just a group around the world supporting Monthy Python. Those who've watched that epic piece of british art would know. Christ, The Knights of Ni are hilarious.



And Quote:
""We are now the Knights who say... ”Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm."

Super Six 4

I'm sitting a room smaller than the tiniest pinheads. There's a door on my right, but there isn't a handle. The chair's as dark as the blackest sin. My skin is cold, my thoughts are not my own.
Miles away, men are dying for my beliefs, and yet here I sit. In a dilemma only they knew. Only they knew. Only they. They. And are the men dying proud of what they are fighting for? Yes, and I know for a fact they are. Still this world criticises their actions. The world calls them evil men. Evil they are not, just men who know what they are doing. And the men who knew.

My room darkens. My thoughts fade. I sit behind a table full of lies and deceit. A table meant for death and judgement. It's easier than looking at them in their eyes and telling them the truth. They knew it. We all did. And we failed. Still here I sit, more alone than I ever was before they left, losing what remains of my sanity through the psychosis that runs in my mind every single second. Trying to find a better side in the human race, a search, altogether seeming more often of late, to be futile. It pains me. The missing link in me, over the years burning more and longer than it ever has. The time runs out, the hope diminishing as each second passes by, the panic settling in. I wish I could speak your language, know your pain, my brothers, my sisters. I would sing your songs that moved me to tears, that I saw such misery in your lives as if they were mine. I want to be with you, I want to feel what you feel. Despite the distance, my friends, I understand you, with every word. You all are here beside me, in every thought, in every beat, in your very existence.

There are good people in this world. But we all lose our hopes and dreams when the inevitable looms before us, warning us, taking our beliefs away. We crumble in sorrow as I, as they have all done. And here I sit alone behind the smiles and laughter. Behind bright eyes and clever words.
They have all gone, yet I remain, a monument, a page in history, a forgotten reminder that mankind tried and failed, over and over to bring you, all of us back together.

I love you, the ones that died for what you and I believed. The ones that carry this message throughout the ages. The ones that still watch the sunset every day, wondering what the day after would bring. The ones that read bloodied letters of love and reconsiliation. The ones that weep for the ones that were always with them.
The ones that never give up hoping...



I was waiting, waiting for a long time
In the dark shadow of grey towers
In the dark shadow of rain towers
You will see me waiting forever
One day it will come back
Over the lands, over the seas
The blue wind will return
And take back with it my wounded heart
I will be pulled away by its breath
Far away in the stream, wherever it wishes
Wherever it wishes, far away from this world
Between the sea and the stars

2 Hrs

I want to go to England.



Now...

You'll Never Find As Long As You Live....

How bout a different take on things for a little while.

When I look back at what we went through together, it makes me wonder. What was it that made it so beautiful? Was it the bitchin' fury of our conversations? Or the hilarious hostility we had with each other? It's probably all of those things. I miss it dearly. I felt right at home doing what I did, and I know, I did it just fine. The nights when we sit in the freezing air conditioning, watching comedy shows on television, cracking each other up on the mad pranks we used to pull, we were family. I loved every single one of them, and before I left after the service, I found there wasn't so much to hate. Every bad side to them made them all the more beautiful. They made up what they all were, a damned good Troop.
I pin up the newspaper articles on what we done over the years, and one really makes me feel real special...

"I just spoke to the SOC officers. Their spirits and morale are high. They are dedicated to their job...."

Echo, you gave my life one hell of a roller coaster ride, but I never could've learnt anymore from anything anywhere else. For that, I thank you guys....

The Day They Feel Good

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere


Sitting in my room, everythings a heartbeat. The cold, the silence, it made me shiver and cringe in that little corner. I hear the words that were spoken by so many people over the years. I see how their faces twist and turn with every emotion. They look so distressed. I want to feel happy and feel that sunshine on my face when there wasn't even a care in the world. That things happened the way mom and dad said they would turn out to be. That there's always a happy ending. That we as children were the ones that brought joy to the entire world. But...
What happnes when we are not children anymore? What becomes of us? Bundles of endless hope, shattered dreams, mysterious sadness, imitations of happiness, a hurtful reminder to the ones that made us this way.


Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow


I'm alone in this dark place, shaking in fear, looking out at very scary people. They move so fast, they care for no one. They rush by like there's nothing in their way. How do I even get in? I'm scared to go back in. She used to tell me it would be alright to stay away for a bit. That I needed it. But why are they like this?


And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had


They're not moving now. They're just vanishing into themselves. What are they? What am I? Where am I? Mother? Where am I? Why did you leave me all alone? I cry in my sleep, hiding under the covers, I hope tomorrow brings a better day. You promised.....


I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world


I can't find anyone to help me! Can you help me? Mother left me all alone. I don't know where I am. I'm lost. I need you. I....I don't understand. I tried to get back. But they aren't here anymore. Mother? Is that you? Someone?

Help me?







No one knows me...no one knew me.....

Mark And Bloody

As his body fell to the ground, his arms flailing, the heart failing, I gave myself a chance to smile. Nothing, nothing on this earth as sweet.

The crowd gathers, she runs to his side. She has tears in her eyes. She grabs his lifeless body, moaning, sobbing. The blood stains her lovely evening gown, how pretty she had looked. I stand only but a few feet away, where no one can see me. I edge out of the shadows just so the light touches the small of my face. She senses me, only with me whispering devious secrets in her ear. Her eyes full fo hate, mine full of malice with a smile to evoke madness, she stares at me through the darkness.


"How touching."
"Indeed. How frail and predictable."
"We were once Kostya, the same as them."
"Yes. Before. How different and yet how alike we are."
"How so?"
"That we both possess such inhumane thoughts. Although what seperates us, is the ability to do such."

I looked at him, the one that stood close to my side. He was beautiful.

"Let's go. We have lingered too long."

I smiled and disappeared into the shadows.