It is cold every day even though the sun burns my skin.
I am sick to the core even when I have my health.
Weary whenever I smile, uncomfortable when I laugh.
I am distant when I am close, running when I've stooped.
O death where is thy sting?
Here, now, always.
What do I do when everything feels like its killing me, every strand of me. How do you live when the stench of death fills the air....
And so begins the ending.
After all the words spoken and thoughts unheard. Fear runs deep, truth runs deeper.
No one ever changes.
It's a sad day for me.
I must be honest. After conversations tonight, I know I need help. I can try my best to cope, deal and make peace with it all, but it doesn't work. It overwhelms me and the most important people don't understand or try to help. No one really sets me down and says, "Hey look, I see you're a mess, talk to me, let it out." No one has the time to carry my luggage. Most of the time its shrugged off, like it doesn't matter if I'm all fucked up.
No one fucking cares. Sure you say you do, but what are you really doing to help? Ask and then forget about it? Why not help me through it. Don't just say were all here for you and then just leave it at that. Humans around here are disgusting. Living hypocritical parasites. Never say you care when you don't.
Its a sad day because I feel like I need to talk to a counsellor, to seek therapy. Do you know how belittling that is? To actually admit that you can't go on anymore on your own, that's its gotten way too fucking much, so much that it brinks madness.
And all of this I keep to myself, with thoughts hieding my brain, it never leaves me alone, plaguing, destroying every happy thought I try to sustain.
Its unbearable and I'm slowly realising........
..........I'm losing this fight.
If I were just nothing today, I would leave behind nothing.
Maybe just a collection of crap that meant nothing to anyone but me.
And the word of the day is nothing.
Fucking, fucking wonderful life.
Everyone lies.
Everyone hates everyone.
And everyone wants attention, even if it means destroying all that you have.
Humans are pathetic.
